I know he is here. I can tell he is in the house, though he is not supposed to be. He is supposed to be at a meeting with my Mum and yet I hear him clearing his throat upon occassion or give a cough. So I lay here, terrifies and exhausted after a night that truely and once again showed his ever-looming true colours and once again added more pain to my body, because the more stressed I am and the more he screams, the worse the pain gets due to muscle tightness and spasms and exhaustion. Being terrified is exhausting, truely.
But that is just how life is. For some of us, it sucks to no foreseeable end. My only hope at happiness is escaping this place, because once away you can hang up if you are being yelled at. My sister has, and it was glorious. I need to be treated like a rent paying adult, not a two year old. Yes I need a lot of help with many things but I am not infantile. And in a home that is small with no stairs I would be able to live my life, have groceries delivered when I cannot get there with assistance, prescriptions too.
He is also pissed off that after a year and a half of this I have yet to figure out a money-making job I can do from home that coes not require rolling around on an office chair. Well hello, that is life right now, this is still new to me and it may take time to figure this all out. I take pride in the things that I do when I can do them, you just rarely care about the same things in any way, shape or form.
Get on my wagon for a change, and let me try to find my own destiny please. I had a plan, and now it is unrealistic, so my couse has changed. I know it, everyone else seems to know it, so just hop on board and give me time to figure out mymlife plan for myself. I need to figure it out by myself, for myself.
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